It was a moment I hadn’t expected or really even thought could possibly happen. The moment when I realized that I saw Noh as more than just a friend, even more than a best friend. The moment when I looked into his eyes and couldn’t look away. I could feel each heart beat in my chest as my senses were filled by him. The clean smell of his soap. The sound of his breathing. The feel of his smooth skin under my fingertips as I wiped his face with the napkin. In that moment, there was only him in my life and I knew.
I have always thought Noh was cute. With his clear pale skin, laughing eyes, and a smile that can light up the whole school, there is no other way to describe him. I often found myself smiling just from catching a glimpse of his animated face.
We weren’t close back then but we were friends. We would greet each other or joke around a bit. Sometimes he would find me at the front of the line and ask me to grab something for him. Other times he would come begging me to buy tickets to whatever show the music club was putting on. I didn’t mind helping him out and it made him happy. Just being around him made the day seem better, brighter. Noh is so full of life and joy that it spills out onto those around him. I don’t think there is a single person that doesn’t like him.
Noh is also extremely talented. I saw his band perform at the convent last year when I went as our school’s representative. On stage, he really shines, as if he was born to be there. I know the band didn’t play perfectly but it didn’t matter. When Noh sang, he drew you in, mesmerized you, and made you crazy for more. By the end of the concert, he had all the girls screaming for him. I don’t think he ever even knew I was there.
I didn’t think back then that we would end up here. I had felt so cared for and comfortable as Noh nursed me when I was sick. Holding him in my arms as we slept, felt perfect, as if we had always been this way. It felt so nice that I didn’t want to let go when we woke up. We were never very close before but that’s changed over the past few days.
Now, we’re close, so close I can see the flecks of gold hidden in his eyes. Closer still as I lean forward and my eyes fall to his full, pink lips. They look so inviting, so tempting. There’s nothing I want more in this moment than to find out their taste. Our noses bump softly and I glance up to find his eyes closed. For a brief time, I am close and Noh is waiting. Then it’s over. His eyes open wide and he jerks away from me.
“I’m… gonna get your medicine. Wouldn’t want you to get sick again.” Noh says quietly as he quickly walks out of the room and away from me. I can feel my heart crack a little. Thinking on what I almost did, what I wanted to do, it starts to bleed. What have I done? This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wanted Noh in my life and I have ruined the chance of that happening… all because I couldn’t resist a kiss. I couldn’t resist Noh.