9. Crushed


A/N: I have to thank everyone for their patience.
I know it has taken me a long time to update this story.
Hopefully, you will think it is worth the wait.
This chapter is written a little differently as it is completely from
Per’s memories and how he viewed the events that happened.
If you have watched the series,
this chapter covers through Season 2, Episode 24.

Enjoy and please don’t forget to Comment/Like/Follow!
Thanks!

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Not Alone
Chapter 9

Crushed

Win’s mother had a lot to say that night, a lot of things I didn’t want to hear. I walked away from that conversation silently, my mind screaming. The wai I gave her and my mother was automatic, done from years of ingrained manners. I made it to my room and collapsed on my bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. Sleep never came and, when morning came, I still didn’t wake from the nightmare in my mind.

I don’t remember how I got to school and one of the first people I saw there was the last person I want to be around. I didn’t greet him. I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t even look at him. The whole day I spent avoiding and ignoring him. I know it was cruel. I know Win was hurt and confused. I know this but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was drowning and his presence was pulling me under even further.

Everything about me was numb as I tried to process the truth his mother had laid bare to me, but I could feel my anger underneath. Days went by and that anger grew. Win not telling me about his feelings hurt more than I can say. It made me question his trust in me and our friendship. It can’t be easy to tell your best friend that, not only are you into guys, but you’re in love with him. It can’t be easy but he still should have said something considering all of the secrets I had shared with him. There was nothing that I kept from him and I thought there was nothing he had kept from me. I was wrong. What made me even more uncomfortable is that it also made me wonder about my feelings for him. That was not something I was ready to face and so I fell back on my anger at his so-called betrayal of my trust.

I said a lot of things that I regret during that time. Later, I wanted to apologize but I couldn’t because I finally understood. I’m the reason why Win gets beat up by his father. I’m the reason why his mother cries over him. I’m the reason and I know what I have to do. I have to get out of his life. I have to make him hate me so he never seeks me out again. I have to rip out part of my soul and burn it to ash.

The live concert was my last bit of inspiration, a desperate attempt. It wasn’t planned but, when I saw Win approach the stage with his eyes glued on me, I grabbed the mic without thinking and sang the most cutting song I could think of. I stared into Win’s wide brown eyes and sang those lies with as much venom as I could. When he turned and ran away, the pain on his face was apparent and I felt the blackness engulf me. I played the rest of the songs on autopilot, thankful we had practiced so much that I didn’t need to think.

                     

I stayed away from Win, I hurt Win, and it killed me inside but Win was safe. I no longer had the right to stay by his side. We were over and then I was replaced. All that time and pain to keep his family from hurting him, from hating him, and it was all going to be destroyed by a handsome face with a selfish agenda.

          

He had never paid any attention to Win before, barely even said one word to him that I can recall, so Mark’s sudden interest made me suspicious. I watched as he flirted with Win and gave him rides on his bike. They made no effort to hide their relationship and it pissed me off.

I ruined us to save Win and Mark does not seem to care at all over the danger he is putting Win in. Since Win never lets Mark come near the house, I know Win’s warned Mark off but that guy keeps pushing, only caring about what he wants. He pushes and Win is giving in. They went around together with smiles, glued to each other’s sides and it scared me, but nothing happened. Every day I watched for the signs that Win’s been beat again, but there’s been nothing. He’s fine. I’ve been so easily replaced and it leaves me with a horrible empty feeling. It really was all my fault and I felt so low.

My depression over the situation deepened and my constant thoughts were of Win. It was petty of me but, seeing that lovey-dovey scene on the bleachers at school, sent me over the edge. I wanted to get a reaction out of Win, any reaction, some proof that I was still in his heart and he still thought about me. I pulled him aside and told another lie.

I said that it was good that he was with Mark. I said that they were the same kind of people, unlike me. I said I found a nice girl that I was serious about. I said all this and it was all a lie. After those hateful words were spoken, Win just stood there. He didn’t cry or scream at me. He didn’t do anything. The silence stretched out and then he simply said, “Okay,” before walking away from me. One single word and he went back to Mark. I was crushed and I was alone.

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